A One Way Conversation With God

Amber Brown
3 min readSep 26, 2020

I haven’t been to sleep because I keep thinking about you. I hate that I don’t know what your thinking. I want to say sorry, sorry for everything. For entertaining meanless drama. For making the same mistakes over and over again.

I need you. Desperately. This world means nothing to me if I can not have you in it.

I’ve tried my hardest to let you be God. I’ve done what I thought was best… what I think is best. Truth is, I don’t understand anything that is going on. I don’t understand why those things happened to me or why it is still happening to me.

What should I do? Help me to understand. Speak to me, my heart has better ears.

God, here’s my one way conversation with you. Can you please pick up?

You told me last week to let go but how God? My Father, how can I let go of something that scarred me. I am tired of pretending. I didn’t sweep this under the rug… they did.

Is there something I need to know. Am I crazy? I need you to show me… my soul has better eyes.

I keep hoping your going to take me on a out of body trip to my pass so that I can see what is causing so much pain. Can you do that for me Father?

I need you to pick up.

I just want to leave earth for a little while and regain my peace from Heaven. I need a cup of water that will hydrate the inner me. There’s no water here where I am that can fill me up the way that you do.

I need you….

You told me last week to trust you. I do trust you God, I just don’t trust myself. I know that I can count on you but I can’t count on me. I swing like swings on a playground, constantly going back and forth. Can you grab me by the handles and make me stay still?

I’ve been up thinking about you. I can’t sleep.

Bring me covers of rest and I’ll snuggle to the warmth of your love.

Your a gentleman, you won’t force me but I know that you can inspire me to stay.

This is a one way conversation but at least I know your listening if your not speaking. I just hope I haven’t done anything that will make you turn your back.

I’m knocking on your door. Please answer. I’m standing here waiting.

While I am here, I want you to remove the demons that look beautiful but who are there to harm me. Remove the lust from my spirit and spit it out into the sea of hell. Take away everything that is unlike you so that when you speak, I’ll know it’s you.

I hope you checked your voicemail, I called a thousand times. Maybe it’ll be a two way conversation… and I hope it’ll last a lifetime.



Amber Brown

For starters, writing is the golden ratio. For the ending, I write about all my secrets, feelings, and poetry.