What If I….

Amber Brown
2 min readOct 10, 2020


She does things without understanding…because lack of knowledge is better than a lonely heart

Seeking validation in everything that she encounters

Black a mild butts and unfinished beers on her kitchen counter. Her husband asking her to quit but it’s the only thing that keeps her sane. She regrets her wedding ring.

Married at a age so young, a mother to a child who probably deserves better. Her emotions changes like the weather. Was she bipolar? Or was she depressed? She was never sure, she was always suppressed.

No one looks at her like she’s a winning prize. She never feels like a real woman inside, look in her eyes and your skin will turn cold.

She’s watching life as it unfolds, wondering why she is still alive

She wants to take hers to escape the pain but death like that is a sin, she’ll be sent to a place where it never rains

So what does she do?

She scrolls through instagram fantasizing of a better life…

What if I worked out more? She would ask..

What if I came up with a business plan? She would ponder

What if I.. what if I…what if I….

There was a never ending freeway to her desires and she couldn’t put in the hard work. So the search for happiness was always a, what if..



Amber Brown

For starters, writing is the golden ratio. For the ending, I write about all my secrets, feelings, and poetry.